A conversation like none other
Bob: I procrastinate. I waste time stalling, contemplating, analyzing… and life is just passing me by without me achieving much at all.
Tess: You procrastinate… about what specifically?
Bob: Stuff about work doesn’t motivate me.
Tess: When you’re not procrastinating, what would you be doing?
Bob: Taking action.
Tess: Taking action means…?
Bob: Some people might get upset. Or what if I’m not doing the right thing?
Tess: And who are you being that gets people upset?
Bob: I’m unsure how to go about leading. I have to be pushy to get work done. Pushy people aren’t liked much.
Tess: And being liked is important to you?
Tess: At what expense – your need to be liked?
Bob: My work is suffering. My bosses are upset. Everyone thinks I’m a loser.
Tess: Pleasing people, isn’t turning out too well for you, huh? What if you knew how to lead and be helpful at the same time? What if you stopped taking responsibility for other people’s feelings? Getting upset is their choice!
Bob: Who am I to be directing others? How dare I think I’m better?
Tess: Listen to yourself. What do you realize?
Bob: I’m filled with self – doubt.
Tess: How much does this enhance your life? How much longer do you want to live like this?
Bob: I want success in my life… but I’m afraid.
Tess: Will you give yourself permission to trust yourself? From today onwards, will you choose to practice some new habits that will support the life you want?
From my transcript, you can see that coaching isn’t a nice chat one has with a friend over a cold beer. Coaching is a professional conversation that supports the client getting what he wants.
A coach is quite the challenger! Notice, I “turned up the heat,” on occasion. Did Bob lack motivation? No! Bob wants to keep peace. Bob wants to avoid confrontation. Everyone is motivated towards something, even when they’re not doing anything! The issue is whether that motivation serves our goal.
To Bob, “leaders think they’re better than others.” “Leaders aren’t much liked, so I’ll not lead because what I want is for people to like me.”
For Bob to begin taking action, we worked to focus [meaning + motivation + decision]. After several coaching sessions, Bob realized his many options. By redefining the way he looked at his role and what he really wanted, by examining what he was ultimately responsible for, Bob was then able to make choices that moved him forward.
I am privileged to have coached many outstanding personalities in my career. As a professional communicator, I’ve observed and learned so much more from gestures, speech and behavior patterns, and by “reading” energy vibrations of people, than I do from words spoken to me. Actually when people really connect, few words need be spoken. So much information is transferred when people share space, that if we cared to be still, we would intuit so much.
How interested are you in what the people you work with are going through? What about those you love? It might surprise you how deeply you can feel someone, just by staying open to them. In this space, judgment, assumptions, expectations fade away. Empathy, compassion, understanding, acceptance, gratitude… take over!
We miss so much when we assume, control, or impose. It’s so important to keep the big picture and look with soft eyes, allowing the other person’s energy to guide us, rather than be directed by reason and logic all the time. When we come with our prejudices we limit others. Our “filters” contaminate or distort what’s really in front of us. The fastest way to lose influence is when people know you’re judging them!
Coaching demands non – judgment. The coach “holds the space” for all involved to connect at a deeper level. The expertise is about stepping back not jumping in with pre – conceived notions and personal meanings. Mastery is when you’re able to follow the client’s energy through clean witnessing. With this knowing, you will ultimately lead others to their resourcefulness… and reconnect them to their power!
Who needs coaching? For going beyond ego and personality – for more peace, joy, and love in your life, get a coach. To reveal your truth behind the veil, get a coach. Interested in moving from resolution to actualization? Want to amplify your strengths and talents? Seeking closure and completion – for balance, wholeness, and healing? For expanding, integrating, courage, confidence, and freedom, get a coach.