Get a Life Q&A April 6, 2014


How do I feel better when I’m depressed and down? I’m beyond frustrated now. I was recently passed over for a promotion (second time in one year) and lost my confidence, not to mention a sizeable pay increase. I can just imagine what my colleagues must be thinking.

How do you want to feel? If all your energy is wrapped around the experience of feeling depressed and down, guess what you’re going to get? That’s right, more of the same, because you know, don’t you, that you get more of what you focus on!

Instead of talking about the negatives, let’s focus on the positives. Talk to me about your skills and talents. What are you really good at? What gives you confidence? What do you enjoy doing? Let’s discuss how to get your contributions noticed.

The simple law is, what we put out, we get back. And by this I mean our energy and emotions. If you put out “frustration,” loss of confidence, and fear, those things are going to come back at you. By the sounds of things, that’s where your energy has been trapped for some time. The job now is to break that low cycle and pump up the “positive.” Let’s go for, “See, I’m having fun at work,” and, “It’s not a problem at all because I love what I do!”

Those who are evaluating your performance want to say, “We’d pick that guy because he will represent our company values well. We just know that what’s important to us, is important to him.” You want your bosses going, “I trust him with that job.”

See? Already we are giving out positive vibes about possibility and potential. Enough already with the low, let’s stay up high… and watch life change before our very eyes!

Why are people so unreasonable? They resort to being downright unkind in that they resort to withholding information, which in my books is like telling lies. I need to lead my department and show strength but I don’t want to come across as harsh. Neither do I want them to just walk all over me.

It sounds like a breakdown somewhere. You perceive people are withholding and therefore being unreasonable. Whilst all of this is happening you need to show strength and lead but don’t want to appear harsh. So what do you want then?

Describe the problem. What about this situation is the problem? Is it that the work doesn’t get done, you appear weak, or that people are unkind to each other? And if you really think hard, what do you think the real problem is? Get specific.

Now check if your deduction is an interpretation or a fact. Check your understanding – is it accurate? Who can confirm if your understanding is true and correct? What are the cold, hard facts of the matter? This will give you an indication of where you have to start to improve things… that is, if you want to make things better. And by better, what does that look like to you?

You need to lead. You want to show strength. Imagine yourself doing this. Imagine what it would take to enable you to be the type of leader you want to be. What are you committed to? How will you create your legacy with the company in ways that will leave the right impression, one you’d be proud of?

To design your destiny, what action now needs to be taken? Check. For a breakthrough what do you need so that you will achieve your desired outcomes?

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