Get A Life Q&A Jan12 2014


I’m a single guy and I recently got to know this woman whom I like and we’ve been chatting a lot. I know she has lots of friends, and that makes me worried. What if we go steady and she insists on keeping all her friends. What then? I know she likes me.

So let me understand… you both like each other, and you are thinking of going steady. This woman has many friends and you feel worried because… what if she insists on keeping them all?

What’s your main concern? What’s the question behind your question? Keeping all her friends – how does this bother you? What do you make it mean – about her, about you?

Have you thought about your expectations around your relationship with this woman? Have you shared this with her? What if she finds out that her having many friends bothers you? What if she wants to change her lifestyle for you? What if she doesn’t?

What if I say this relationship is a reflection of your relationship with yourself? Think about it. How do you feel about yourself now? What do you need most in order to feel balanced and fulfilled? Where does this woman fit into all that? Consider that she is providing exactly what you need right now. Consider also that she has needs. How well would you be able to fulfill those?

And as life is dynamic not static, expect change to be a constant. They say wisdom is the ability to see many different perspectives without losing our own sense of values. What do you need most right now to bring understanding and acceptance of your relationship – as it is… NOW?

How do you keep your feminine side, as you are in business? We know that men (and their expectations) dominate the corporate world. How do you handle this and still maintain grace and elegance as a woman?

Interesting observation! Men and their expectations dominate the corporate world. Hmm… I can see where you’re coming from, given that there are more men in senior positions and ours is, by culture and tradition, a patriarchal society. Who made that happen? Who raised those boys? We – women; how offbeat is that!

And what are some of these expectations? In my experience, men expect women to bring them their tea, sort out the details, and provide the softer side in boardroom negotiations. Ah well, we’re good at that, aren’t we? However more and more women are becoming as adept at men, if not more, in taking on the reigns and leading the corporate scene. Lo and behold! Women are making waves at the forefront of our economy, albeit in our own subtle ways, because women know, don’t we… how to use our feminine wiles to get what we want!

As for how I handle men and their expectations: I handle them like I handle all other expectations – by my values, commitments, purpose and intentions. Handling expectations is a lot like effective communications; we keep setting the contexts for what’s happening, for what’s to come, and then continue to ask for feedback. We continually work to ensure that both sides enjoy that “win – win” outcome so that resistance is lowered and buy – in is solicited.

When we come from our values, beliefs, and principles, it’s easy to maintain grace and elegance. When we are congruent and aligned, when others can see that we walk our talk, all we really need to do is to breathe and smile and move forward!

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