Is “happily ever after” just a flimsy romantic fantasy?
Does love last forever? I suppose that would be measured by if you and I lived forever, wouldn’t it? So that’s not really what I’m asking then. What I want to know is, can love between a man and a woman last “till death do us part?”
Was “happily ever after” some mischievous wizard’s trick to bewitch us into marriage? I notice that no matter how fabulous, exceptional, or wonderfully – capable some women are, it’s no guarantee that their marriages last. I’m asking because no matter how attractive, loving, and beautiful some women are, men take 2nd and 3rd wives.
That more women of all ages are getting divorced seems to be the raging trend. This phenomenon doesn’t seem to discriminate. Strong women – professionals, entrepreneurs, leaders in their own right, powerful game –changers… are either choosing to be single again or circumstances leave them no choice.
Older women, younger women, are being passed over for mistresses, 2nd and 3rd wives. Take a moment to think and I’m sure you can come up with people you know in this category.
What’s the issue exactly? Is it the need to feel young? Is it our need for adventure? Is it self – expression that we crave? When will enough be enough?
Tracking this situation, I’ve come to certain conclusions. I could go men – bashing, but I’m choosing to focus on self-reflection.
1. Women “quit” on indifference. More and more of us cannot tolerate it when our spirit dies; when we go unexpressed, when it dawns on us that we might live and die with our “music still inside of us.”
2. Because of our capability and competence, we choose not to tolerate mediocrity; we want to experience excellence – we go for ease and flow and joy and fulfillment instead of putting up with being the maid to the master. We know we are Queens! As such the dissatisfaction grows.
3. It’s just how women are raised that we romanticize marriage and revere our role as mother and nurturer. We give and we give and when our family breaks down, we break down. We personalize the failure and tend to carry the guilt inside of us. Men on the other hand, are off celebrating their singlehood.
Now our subject involves loneliness. Tell me true; no matter how successful women are, being part of something, that sense of belonging… coming “home” to people who care, having someone special to share our life with, is what’s important in our lives.
How many of us can be so strong we can be gentle, so fierce we can be compassionate, so passionate we can be rational, so disciplined, we can be free?
How easy is it for you to embrace your vulnerability? How easy is it for you to speak about feeling alone? How much do you struggle with being by yourself; or do you engage in numbing activities like eating, drinking, partying, (even working) to cope?
It’s this cost of feeling alone that scares many women into staying in bad relationships. After all, she’s probably given her entire adult life to her husband and now is faced with having to earn her own keep. Many will be saddled with the children, because I can’t imagine many men who will want to be burdened with playing nanny.
That many women go through this speaks volumes about our courage and strength. Left with no choice, we do whatever it takes to make a new life. So I salute all single – again women. And to those who stay because it’s easier, I totally understand. I daresay men will never get it.
Isn’t it so important for newly – single women to learn coping skills? We need to find ourselves again. We need to reconnect with our essence, remember how powerful we are — as ourselves and not someone’s wife/partner. We need to build a new bridge to our past and remember it with fondness (for it was our greatest teacher).
Girls I say to you:
Let go of being lonely and embrace your glory.
Let go of your insecurity and shroud yourself with dignity.
Let go of needing to prove your worth, for you are all you need for what you were brought into this world to do – love.
And when you love as your SELF, you will find the type of love that raises you up, and never lets you down.